Tuesday, April 27, 2004

the moolah's ringing in

AT LAST I GOT A TEMP JOB. :D i'll be at the xbox live launch. those who wanna get my signature (haha just kidding), please come down to ngee ann city civic plaza this weekend. while everyone else is studying hard for their exams, i'll be there on fri, sat and sun. hehe.

to get free tickets to the launch on the 1st day, click this link. otherwise, you can kiss my ass. muahaha.

behold, the island of the gods, bali!

haha. erm just a short blog before i disappear from blogging land until the 7th. :)

woke up early yesterday cos was supposed to meet mr abracadebra at 12pm to go tour shopping. ;) i waited and waited for his call. wait. waited. still waiting. then argh at 11am i decided to call him. he was long ago awake, and didn't call me cos he thot i was still sleeping! haha. then i asked where he was, and he said "erm i'm on the way to your house". panic. haven't bathed or anything yet and he said he's on his way?! ahh.

quickly i chose some casual clothes to wear, went to bathe, then got out of my house as quickly as i could. when i opened my door, i saw this brochure at my doorstep. i picked it up, and it felt hard. I THOUGHT IT WAS AN AIR TICKET LOR. darn. it wasn't. haha. :P [nonetheless, it was very sweet of him!]

anyway, it was a brochure for the bali trip, and my dream vacation - dubai! [ok the dubai thing is just a dream, but anyway we were supposed to go tour shopping around for the bali trip.] i glaced thru the brochure as i closed the door. just as i looked up to press the lift button, *almost died of heart attack at this point of time* he suddenly appeared by the side of the lift. haha. don't you just love surprises? :D

i don't think the rest of the day would be of interest to you guys lah. but to sum it up, i think we're not going with delon they all anymore because of their inability to make up their minds on whether they want to go for the trip or not. besides, he's insisting on june, while i think may is a better idea. so, the trip's only gonna be for mr abracadebra and me! ;)

no worries peeps, i'll take care of myself. i promise no hanky panky's gonna go on alrite!!! [andy & xiang: don't fuss over me right now ok. put it bluntly, i'm feeling edgy, and i don't want anyone to step on my tail.] gonna msg mr abracadebra now so that he can put the deposit down first. taataa!

don't miss me!

i won't be blogging these days [unless anything major occurs] cos i've got exams next week. will blog NORMALLY once my exams are over on 7th may at 11.30am. haha. cheers peeps. take care! i'll be back... muahaha.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

i hope not.

james, i'm gonna charge you a minimal fee of S$2 per character of your blog address to be advertised here alrite? peeps, please give http://goldfishjim.blogspot.com a visit. this author claims to have won some american award of some kind. a good read if you'd like something to ponder about for the rest of the day. :) [ya so that's S$62 for your quaint little ad over here. i accept paypal. hehe.]

i juz came back from church. it was yet another day of the choir recruitment drive. boring. had to sing like dumbos outside downstairs the church. anyway, there was this wierdo who auditioned. his name was steven. he was like alienated by the rest of the church people. [i can see why!] i have to admit, his actions did make me want to scream "get me outta here". but being the nice person that i am, i endured the gruelling period when angie, carol, and myself had to sit there with him, while waiting for his turn for the audition. ahhh. thank goodness he didn't get in!

i have this thing about the english language. personally, i find it hard to converse with people who TRY to speak some kind of english, when they are generally chinese-educated. yeah yeah i'm being mean. i'm pms-y these days alrite!

i was chatting with mr abracadebra's classmate, brian, on icq today. and more than half of the time, i had no clue as to what he was trying to say. maybe he tried to abbreviate the words. maybe he tried to talk like he knew what he was saying. maybe he thought i understood his lingo. uh. no, i didn't. in fact, he had to rephrase each sentence more than 2 times, so that i could see where he was coming from! see how attrocious his english is? :/

but what i understood was, that mr abracadebra told them that i drove. pause. reflect on that sentence. nobody likes to be used, and i'm not an exception. [except for in the case of a sadomasochistic dominator, but that's out of point.] i don't squeeze money out of guys, and i expect the same for them. not that i'm being calculative, but some men are just jerks.

they know that you've got something that sounds lucrative to them (in my case - my car), they'll go out to try to win you over so that they can make use of you in that sense. mr abracadebra, i hope you're seriously not like that. i mean, guys in the community service club can't be that bad right?

Saturday, April 24, 2004

jewel stop sniffing me out!

had an excursion to the spca today. it was fun fun fun! i played with figo, a 2.5 yrs cross breed. he also had a very nice tri-coloured coat of white, black and brown. figo was extremely playful - he tugged at my jeans and refused to let go, licked my face, laid on his back so that i could rub his tummy, nibbled on my arms and fingers, and even pulled my shoelaces out! so adorable! although i left the cage with 4 scratches on my left arm and 3 on my right, i know he was just playing with me like as though he was still a puppy. aww...

at this point, i'd like to bring across a message to everyone: PETS ARE FOR LIFE, DO NOT ABANDON YOUR PET! argh. angers me whenever i think about irresponsible pet ownership.

i bought a cutesy tshirt for my lil sis, then we boarded the bus back to school. i was supposed to give the milk bones to the dogs, but since the vets didn't allow it, i had to take it back home. in the bus, mingjing decided to chew on the bone. yah. don't ask me why. but he really did! i took a picture of it too. haha.

back in school, we decided to have a csc (community service club) group photo, so we went to our club room. it was really a drama mama thingy going on i tell you. mingjing and xiaojun were teasing each other, then suddenly when jessica couldn't take it, she shouted at mingjing, then threw a ruler at him. it hit his nose! dead silence. then they carried on quarrelling about why was there a need to throw things and stuff. we calmed both parties down, but mingjing decided to leave the room instead. see, i told you it was drama mama rite.

Friday, April 23, 2004

if i ain't got you...

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

good early morning!

i'm just gonna list down points so that i don't forget what i'm supposed to say the next time i'm free to type a long blog.

- the after math of seg nite
- suicides and the people affected by it
- the way men mislead women
- mr abracadebra updates
- pre marital sex [yes, i'll be talking about that.]
- one sided love affairs
- people who think that i'm leading them/others on
- my flirtatious nature

now, it's 4.47am. i've got a tennis game at 9am. need to sleep! nite nite peeps.

Thursday, April 22, 2004


ahhh have to summarise cos i'm late for school!!!

i thought yesterday was quite exhilirating for me. all was fine in the morning, i went school, i called andy and he gave me a pep talk on relationships. :/ then i received a msg from james saying that jac attempted suicide. WHAT THE F*CK?!

that got me worried, but then again, 14 pills aren't enough to kill someone lah. i've only got something to say - if you wanna die, please take more pills, you know how much would kill you lor. otherwise, don't waste your parent's money on hospital bills if all you wanted was just to give james a scare.

pardon me for being easily agitated, but I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE SCREAMING FOR ATTENTION! irritates me alot, especially when i'm having pms. i see it coming.

anyway i had dinner with jaysen. was supposed to go and visit jac at the hospital, but SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE US. yes, you heard me right. my ex-best friend didn't want to see me, jaysen or angie. since we were so unappreciated, we didn't go down.

for goodness sake jac, can you please open your eyes and see who your true friends are? who are the people who would stand by you, disregarding the fact that you throw tantrums? after going through so much, can't you see that you need to change your attitude? you don't have lots of friends, because not many can put up with your childish princessy attitude. [i really wanna go and slap you now to wake up to your senses. argh. SCREW IT!]

yeah, so that was what happened yesterday. now i'm terribly late after typing finish this blog, so ya i need to rush to school now! later peeps!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

in a holiday mood already?!

i was talking on the phone with mr abracadebra yesterday. wierd. dunno why did he even call me, but yah, we chatted for a long while. suddenly, we were talking about holidays. hehe. i told him that i wanted to go bali. [oblivious of the fact that i'm already more or less confirmed going on a holiday to KL on 19th june!]

wonder why he was so enthusiastic about it. i mean, i was just casually mentioning about it. if i am going to KL, then i wouldn't have money for another trip. but guess what? he offered to pay for me first, then i could pay him back later. haha. i'm very happy now! at last, i can visit a NEW country. yay! :D

i enjoy editting pictures. look at what i did to my own pic below. haha. you guys have only a blur vision of me. how nice! :) now that i know how to add pictures in, you lucky bunch of peeps are gonna have a feast on my pictures - rejoice!

*right-click show picture if you can't see this pic*

ate dinner. damn full man. was supposed to go swimming today with wenrui, but we didn't go in the end. sad. i realised only this afternoon that mr abracadebra is a pisces. sorry for stereotyping, but i'm freaked out by people who are under that zodiac pattern. i'm not sure if i want to go through the same traumatic experience the way james did with jac. :|

ok mr abracadebra, if you're reading this, and you only treat me as your confidante, please let me know. drop me an anonymous email at watashi_wa_h@hotmail.com or tag me on my tagboard on the right, or better still, sms me.

on the other side, if you are interested in me, then i really wonder what you see in me. why would anyone like a female who has so many faults, a horrible past, and worse, a critic on everything that happens. blessings on the man who can fathom it all! but to you, i pose a question "don't you think you're a lil lubricious and fickle?" it makes one ponder on how one can like another so quickly. a change of heart (or target even!) so fast, would make me feel insecure about the days to come.

ahh. why am i even typing all this? i don't even know the answer cos i haven't opened my mouth to ask! but hey, i'm more of a pessimist than an optimist. i place my hopes low, so that when something good happens in the end, i'll be elated. this is the true happiness that would come from within me. oh, what bliss!

intruder alert!

can't really remember what happened yesterday. wonder what's wrong with my memory now?! [selective amnesia perhaps.] last night was one hectic hell of a night for me. for most of you, you got here because you looked at my msn nick or my icq profile. yeah, i thought it was a good way of promoting my site. hah!

it was a tranquil monday night when suddenly, mr abracadebra suddenly came online! gasp. i hit the PANIC button. i thought his comp couldn't log onto the net! WHY ON EARTH WAS HE ONLINE? immediately, what seemed like a rush of thousand and one things to do, i quickly changed the blog address in my icq profile to my old website address. phew!

i was bitten, but twice not shy lor. my fingers just left the msn nick as it was. so i was talking to someone (can't remember who!) halfway and i suddenly (ANOTHER ONE?!) i got disconnected. wierd eh? then i don't know what came over me, but i told mr abracadebra that my msn was giving me some login problems. duh. why was i so "clever"?

i thought he didn't have msn. then he said "i'll add you in now, and see if i can see you online." i panicked again. this time, luckily i managed to re-login back. phew. in a further attempt to stall time, i replied "er wait, i'm trying to fix it now." i quickly changed my msn nick to some balderdash nick, and prayed hope that it would be updated in everyone's screen soon.

after what seemed like a sunshine after the rain, I GOT LOGGED OUT AGAIN!!! ok, so i tried to log in once more. the moment i got in, a request for my authorisation popped up. gasp. could he have already seen the nick before i added him? panic panic panic. i quickly msged wenrui to ask him what my msn nick was. luckily its the new nick i've changed to. but i really wonder whether has he already chanced upon this lil diary of mine.


aiyah. will continue later. mummy bought dinner. yay! ;)

wishing upon a wishing well

heh heh. having typed the previous post, i guess i still have this penchant for low-key branded stuff. [read: not those that shout "LOOK AT ME"] some new items added to my wish list:

- Coach Soho Mini Signature Mini Wallet in pink
- Coach Signature Swing Pack in khaki

as i've said earlier, I DON'T NEED ANY B*ST*RD TO BUY IT FOR ME. thank you.

Monday, April 19, 2004

i just realised i'm not me.

james just hit bullseye. now i know why - taken from a guy's point of view - i keep getting lost in love.

the packaging - patrick cox - i sell myself as someone who lives on the material things in life.

the product - charles & keith - i really can do without it.

but now the question is, how do i seamlessly neutralise them? why do i sell myself as a pair of patrick cox, when actually i'm just a pair of charles and keith? how can my outer self be a hypocrite to my inner self? why do i need to be in a yearn for material goods, when i can actually do with just true love instead?

alas, "man does not live on bread alone" - this quote is starting to make sense!


i hope nobody realised my mistake. i typed in mr abracadebra's name in my last post! ahh. but i've changed it back to mr abracadebra already! haha. too late peeps!

Sunday, April 18, 2004

don't disappoint me ok?

we did lots of things today. actually i could drive out. but i chose not to. [taking public transport together more romantic what! hehe. :D] so after arriving 10 mins late at toa payoh mrt, we took the train down to chinatown station.

dim sum was marvellous! yum yum. we ate at this quaint lil corner restaurant called "da dong" as in "big east". haha. the bill came up to only $35. and abracadebra paid for it. hehe.

we then walked down to clarke quay in the scorching sun, to meet the seller for this cartoon he bought. trottled off to liang court, walked thru the whole of kinokuniya, and i bought a book and some stationery. we seemed to be extremely engrossed in books and magazines today man. amazing ah!

dropped by the meidi-ya supermarket, had some gelato ice cream, then walked all around the supermarket in amazement from looking at the wierd stuff that were being sold. :)

took the free shuttle bus to city hall after that. walked down to suntec to catch the travel fair. wasn't that big a hoo-haa. really, there was nothing much to be found there. went to carrefour after that, and i did some banging on the piano to the tunes of "marriage de amour".

he told me that the piece i played was actually his favourite piece! i didn't know that until he told me lor. [speaking of piano, kevin kern (this american guy who plays lovely new age pieces) is coming to singapore to perform. does anyone wanna watch it? we can get the cheapest $50 tickets! drop me a mail at watashi_wa_h@hotmail.com ya.]

we bought 2 fruit juices from carrefour in the end, and mr abracadebra suggested that whoever's queue came in last, then dinner would be on that person! hiak hiak. i won! :)

walked around suntec after that. met up with james and jaysen at this small pool place on beach road. as usual. they bitched - about mr abracadebra lah, who else right? :P but he's really nice lor. don't say him until so mean can?

went down to cathay cineleisure to see if there was any movie worth watching. we watched "into the mirror". haha. scared me man. i dare not look into mirrors from now onwards! anyway, after the movie, i was like casually saying that i was hungry, and that i was craving for the minced pork noodles from bedok. he immediately flagged a cab, and we were off to bedok. so sweet!!! aww...

ok, so after eating, i went over his place to borrow the tennis racquet from him. i called yongxiang, then the three of us sat down by the poolside to chit chat for a lil while before i decided to end the night. [xiang, don't you ever do the listing of my bad points again! :P]

anyway, i just received a friendster msg from kaixiang, which left me very distressed. WHAT EXACTLY IS IT WITH MEN AND THEIR F*CK*NG THINKING THAT I DIE DIE ALSO WANT TO BE A TAI TAI NEXT TIME?

let me tell you b*st*rds - I WILL EARN MY OWN MOOLAH AND BUY BRANDED STUFF ON MY OWN CREDIT. I DON'T F*CK*NG NEED ANY MAN TO SUPPORT ME. call me an egoistic person, money snatcher, or whatever you may think i am. but let me tell you that i do not have a big ego, i am not high maintainence, and i definitely am not after anyone's money. SCREW YOU ALL FOR THINKING SO!

adding on, i'm not the "damsel in perpetual distress" that everyone thinks i am. i wonder why it's always so. argh. anyway i'd just like to clarify that i'm NOT a "ku niang" kind of girl. i'm gung-ho, and definitely not as gentle and fragile as i may seem. HAHA. this is what i term as "girl power". :)

maybe i'm just rambling on. but i'm too tired to type out in detail now. what a day it was! i actually spent sunday's 10am-12mn with mr abracadebra. that's like 14 hours with him! ahh. but anyway, i don't wish to place my hopes too high. i'm afraid to get burnt by fire again. once bitten, twice shy, thrice weary. i'm in the third stage now. i don't want to go into a relationship, then leaving myself scarred by it. hope the men in the first and second stage get screwed by exhaust pipes. muahaha. hell hath no fury like a woman's wrath!

anyway, later peeps. i've got a tennis game tomorrow morn.

well it's just a little crush, not like we kiss everytime we touch.

2 more things that i wanna add to the (already) long list of requirements:

- pollution free lungs.
----i've had enough of boyfriends who smoke.
- ambition.
----i wanna see a future with the person, not one who just lives each day as it comes.

hey, i don't think i'm asking for too much. if one does not set expectations, how can one gauge who is the right partner for himself? then again, there really isn't a perfect man. neither am i a perfect woman, myself. thus, i have decided to retire in a monestery. :)

you know, i really don't know what's with me and one-sided love affairs. crushes. infatuations. whatever you may call it. WHY ME?! why do i always play the fool? curse me, that i'll never be able to love someone until i am assured that that someone loves me too. better for me that way eh?

argh. tired already. just came back from meijing's birthday party. think i need some rest. meeting abracadebra for dim sum tomorrow morning. :) heehee. actually thought he was joking, until i msged him to ask if he was serious about the "breakfast" joke. then he was like "yeah of course i'm looking forward to breakfast tomorrow!" yay. hope i don't make it that obvious that i like him! :P

Saturday, April 17, 2004

i'll look to like, if looking liking move; but no more deep will I endart mine eye; than your consent gives strength to make it fly

i'm devestated. [ok maybe not that severe.] this is what i hate about love, or liking anyone for that matter. is it that i always look in the wrong direction? or perhaps, i've got a character trait that nobody likes?

why do i even allow myself to like someone when i'm really loving the freedom that i get now? i'm doing myself no justice. argh. anyway, balderdashing aside, i think i've fallen for someone. not gonna mention names here cos i'm scared he gets wind of it! woot. dangerous eh.

anyway this guy, let's just call him abracadebra. :) he's nice. oh darn i can't write too much or else i'm really giving away clues! ok so yeah, let's just leave it at "he's nice" alrite?

what made me a lil sad was that i found out he has been chasing this girl for 1½ years. the girl's older than him by 3 years. and let's just call her vivian. this vivian girl - damn stupid. doesn't she see a good guy when she meets one?! i mean, she is like those kind of "ai mai" type. abracadebra showed me the sms she sent. it read "let's try out the relationship for 1 month. if we can last that long, then good. if not, then maybe we're not meant to be together." like DUH.

ah. i'm late for church. ok will blog later. rally's not on today. sian. but gonna meet my girlfriends for dinner nonetheless. glad to have girlfriends like them to hear my woes. :) love you guys! *muacksss*

Friday, April 16, 2004

this, i promised you

what kind of men attracts me? [i'm pretty sure what i'm asking for isn't that tough.]

- english speaking.
----i can't speak mandarin well.
- japanese food.
----he has to love it as much as i do.
- daring and adventurous.
----i love thrill rides and escapades!
- driving licence.
----good to have, but a car's a perk.
- my parents.
----don't wanna see catfights between the guy and my parents.
- pleasing to the eye.
----don't think i can live with the fact that he feels inferior.
- mass communication.
----would be nice if he could speak a foreign language.
- dogs.
----before understanding that i love my dog very much, he has to love dogs generally as well.
- musically inclined.
----charm me with your talents - i love music too!
- cars.
----talking to someone with the same interests intrigues me.
- wit and intellect.
----i need a conversation that is intellectually stimulating.
- height.
----i love wearing heels, and i don't think i want to stand beside a shorty.
- catholic.
----basic requirement before i'll consider marrying you.

[will add on more when i can think of it.]

adding on to what i've just typed, i think my schoolmate, jason, is quite a nice guy. cute. funny. he's got this boyish charm. aww. but the only thing is - he's younger than me. so yeah he's just a nice younger guy to be around with. :) haha. SNAP OUT OF IT STEPH!

ok here i am, carrying on my blog. last night was the usual - went zouk, but this time i brought ivan down. just now watched a silly show with ivan. it was called "enter the phoenix". eason chan and stephen fung are SOOOOOoooo cute! i exclaimed "shuai dai le" the moment the show ended. :)

ok guys i really need to go sleep now cos i'm meeting summer(my community service club girl) for a morning swim at 8! i'm probably gonna get only 5 hours of sleep. taataa!

dream a lil dream of love

i'm really sorry sorry sorry that i haven't been blogging guys. arghh. been so lazy these days. wonder what's happened to me?! anyway, here goes my very lengthy blog to make up for the loss...

i remembered what happened on monday already. ok my blood almost reached 100 degrees celsius. i was happily washing my car until some funny ass driving a toyota corolla brought his 2 nephews down to wash the car with him.

by then, i had already dried the exterior of my car and was working on the interior. then the 2 naughty kids were like playing with the soap and it got onto my car!! argh. so i had to clean it off. then they did it again. then i cleaned it again. and that went on for like 5 times! see, that's what i hate about puny car washing bays in multi storey carparks.

hmm let's see. what happened on tuesday night? i met my classmate, karen, for dinner with her extended family. we had a nice dinner in a posh chinese restaurant. in fact, her family was so big, we even had a separate room for ourselves!

anyway, she had a cousin called eric. he kept glancing over to look at me lor. *blush* what made me notice him was that he had this aura around him that seemed to ooze charisma. ahh. i was bewitched - like how a dreamy high school girl would be.

eric was polite, intelligent and had charming looks. when i chatted with him, i realised he knew how to speak french too! "je taime?" ;) after the dinner, his mum invited me over to his place for some after-dinner chit chat. i politely agreed.

as the conversation began between his mum and myself, i found myself steering towards being inferior to them. their house was HUGE, and it had a very nice balinese decor to it. then she started asking about what i was studying. hmm. a girl like me. so old, and still in polytechnic?! ok i quickly got myself out of that sticky situation, when karen came along and decided that it was time for us to leave.

then...I WOKE UP. sadly, it was all just a dream. the feeling of loss still lingered for a few moments, then reality sank in.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


yay my comment on the panasonic x70 got approved. i used the name "steffifi" to post it. check it out here.

sorry guys, i've been lazy to blog lately. haha. anyway i've got an exam tomorrow and WHY ON EARTH AM I BLOGGING AT THIS TIME? well, it's all in the name of you guys! in order to keep you guys coming back to read my blog, i guess i just have to make some sacrifices right? see i'm so nice! hehe. :D

ok summary of sunday afternoon: went to watch "passion of the Christ" with adrian. it was really sad, especially the scourging part. to see how much Jesus suffered before his death, just to save us from our sins, really touched me. i cried!

summary of yesterday: can't remember?!?!

summary of today: received an mms picture from james during lecture. the photo depicted the magnificent view of a bird i say! hmm were you climbing mount swissotel the stamford? muahaha. so i replied to his mms with crazy photos that i was taking in the lecture hall. my messy notes, injured foot(pasted a plaster on my blister), and a photo i took of myself that seemed to exaggerate the size of my breasts. nice. ;)

my lecturer then came over to my seat asking to see my phone. gasp. was panicking inside, but i told him a firm "no, that's my personal property, and i have the right to reject your request". what could he do right? bleah. :P

ok nothing much to type already. can't think of anything much also. so i'll just go and study now. wish me luck. i need loads of it. *muacks* love you guys!

p/s: if you wanna know how to catch my attention, stay tuned to the next blog then! ;)

Sunday, April 11, 2004

in cloud 9

argh before i forget what happened yesterday, i think i better blog in short sentences. pardon me for that!

i was supposed to go to adrian's hotel room in the afternoon (he got the room at a discount because of his commissioning thing), but got stood up by clarice because she said she had to spend the day with her boyfriend instead. so i took a nap instead.

after waking up from my slumber, i received a msg from james telling me about the play that he just finished watching. after replying to his msg, he said "i'm alone in orchard. cryyy..." so since i didn't have anything to do at home, i decided to meet him for dinner.

we had dinner at pasta cafe in ngee ann city. chatted over lots of stuff. while laughing at something funny (can't remember what it was though), he fell back and his head caressed the waitress' BREASTS! hahaha. ok, maybe it was her tummy. i didn't really see. it was too fast!

we hopped down to heeren, and he realised that he got the wrong shopping centre, because actually he wanted to go to "the edge" at parco bugis instead. so blur! it was kinda late then, and there was like nowhere to go. so we went to harry's bar at the esplanade to chill.

the moment we got there, i was totally bowled over. REALLY. not by the waiter, but by the singer. he was playing jazzy tunes on his acoustic guitar and singing songs.... oh man, how i wish he would sing to me everyday. a guy who would really melt my heart would definitely have to be musically-inclined. in fact, i'm still day dreaming about him. he was REALLY good, he sang very well, and he knew how to play practically everything! (i especially loved the hotel california piece) jazz, rock, you name it!

oh ya talking about the waiter. wah lao. what made us pissed was that firstly, nobody ushered us to the seat. secondly, the waiter & waitress kept asking us what we wanted to drink. thirdly, when we wanted to order, nobody was in sight! fourthly, after we ordered, our drinks took 20 mins to arrive. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! ugh. never mind, the musician made up for the lousy service. :) [oh ya, there was this other wierd waiter who said "foot. order. finiss. no more." then took away the menu from the table. HAHA. thought that was kinda hillarious. :P]

so we stayed for the three sets that the singer sang, then decided to pop by adrian's hotel room for a little while. talked a lot of crap there. stayed until around 4am, then i drove james back home. we were like going round in circles at sengkang & punggol because he didn't know the route. haha. my sense of direction wasn't that bad, so i managed to find my way out quite fast after dropping him at home. :) this shows that girls don't need maps. they just need their female instincts! we rule! :D

leaving with a nice word file for you guys to read: love hurts. i've gotta go meet adrian now. i'm late for the movie! see ya!

Friday, April 09, 2004

the joys of singlehood

i'm opening myself to blind dates. hah! not that i'm in a desperate need to get attached or something, but hey, it doesn't hurt to get to know more people right? :)

having said that, i'm enjoying my singlehood very much right now. [sms usage are still the same. they haven't gone down cos' i'm irresistable and they can't keep their fingers from keying in my number! haha.] it really doesn't matter to me that i don't have anyone to share my life with. it's not an issue that i'm keeping contact with my ex-bfs. there's nobody that i have to report to (or rather, be responsible towards). i'm just living my life to its fullest without a care in the world, and that's what makes it so enjoyable to be single.

was supposed to learn how to play tennis this morning with my classmates, but we couldn't find a court to play at. sad. guess i'll just have to wash car! daily exercise will do me good. :) my motivation - i wanna be as slim as the ms universe contestants!

met ivan last night at happy daze for our first "date". no no, we're not dating. it was just a blind date. haha. [hope ivan is not reading this right now! IF YOU ARE IVAN, PLEASE LEAVE THIS SITE IMMEDIATELY!]

so how did he score? waited for me for 45 mins without qualm. asked my preferrences. loved my dog. patient when i was on the line for some time with eddie. paid for the whole bill, although i wanted to pay for my share. insisted that he took a cab back himself cos he was worried that i'd lose my way around serangoon. haha. [6 brownie points!]

now, for the deductions. beer drinker. uses the term "stead". reckless driver (his car was at the workshop for repairs). chinese-speaking. a guy who needs freedom. MCP instincts showed when he said he didn't want a girl to fetch him back. [minus 6 brownie points]

now for the current scores... eddie is reigning with 2 brownie points and ivan with 0 brownie points. HAHA. really guys, i'm just joking about this rating system of brownie points. makes it all the more interesting to read my blog when you've got a lil humour inside right? ;)

ahhh it's 11.19am and i need to be in church by 1.15pm. need to wash car summore, then later still need to meet keng san (i'm his co-driver and soon-to-be navigator when he starts taking part in kallang rallys!). although i don't really fancy going phuture on a friday, the company that i'm with makes up for it. :)

Thursday, April 08, 2004

MEN! argh.

you wanna let the comments get to your head right? fine. i'm not a liar. since when have i lied to you before? i don't deny that i've said those things. you ARE fickle what. if you wanna hear more, i told clarice that "you fall in and out of love easily". which part of what i say is wrong? correct me now and rest your case.

called you to wake you up. you think i'm that evil? but you didn't wanna pick up the phone. fine. don't pick up then. just realised you're online. anyway it's just a wake up call. i was scared you'd be late for work. i really didn't need to care lor. my efforts aren't appreciated anyway. besides, everything's STUPID to you. why the f*ck did i fall for you, i have no idea too.

of brownies and points

i finished my presentation report just now, and rushed down to zouk at 12am to meet my friends. on the way, i realised i had no money. so i went to the atm to draw some cash. who would have known that the atm couldn't dispense cash at that moment. ugh. so from one location, i had to go in search of another atm around the area.

cynthia koh's car was in front of me again when i stopped at the valet. why am i always seeing her?! danced for a lil while. then i saw quan drinking by himself. wierd, how unlike him. i asked him what was wrong, but he refused to say anything. ok, let's attribute this to stress in camp.

just as i was sitting down, this drunkard at the next table hit into me. duh. i quickly stood up from my seat to stand over at the other side of the table. seconds after, the same drunkard crashed into our table, knocking a few of our drinks off the table. [let's call the drunkard, A.] just as a fight was about to break out between shun and the A's friend, we intervened. [let's call A's friend, B.] if you think that was all, no, it was anything but.

quan came back from the toilet now, picked up the broken glass bottles and showed it to B (who was also drunk. duh?!). thinking that quan wanted a fight, B also took a glass bottle and wanted to hit quan with it. while all this was going on, A tried to be funny with me and said "hey baby would you care for a dance?" DUH. totally disgusting. ok, so now tons of people from our side had to step in to stop all the ugly things from happening.

now one of A and B's girlfriend said she'll pay for the drinks at this point of time. [actually by the time i left, which was roughly 20 mins after the incident, she has yet to buy back the drinks.] ok so they called it quits, and the A B C gang decided to change a spot to dance.

at this point in time, i caught sight of jomantha (a girl i modelled with last time). what a small world, her friend knows shun, so we were hanging around the same corner. what's more shocking is that her girlfriend's boyfriend was alex(nie feng!?!?). yeah man. boy did i get a shock when i saw him. and he was talking to shun. OMG i swear i wished i had died and been buried 10 feet underground at that moment.

now if you think that was all, no, there's still more! quan actually beat alex up before. so i asked quan if he remembered him. he was like "ya i beat him up before. your ex bf right? still remember his pathetic face." hahaha. that was funny... so it turns out that alex is actually calvin's friend.

ok just when i was about to leave, i turned and saw 2 people looking at me. wierd. they looked familiar, but i just thought they had a common face or something. "<insert my name here>?" i turned around. oh... it was actually xueyan and karen. i mean, they're nice. but... oh never mind. you wouldn't understand.

i said my goodbyes to everyone there. i told quan to take care of his finger(he got cut by the broken glass) and stop drinking so much. suddenly, he caught me unexpected. he grabbed me. hugged me. then kissed my neck. kinky? no thanks. it's over honey.

so now i'm back home. msged eddie to ask if he wanted to go swimming tomorrow. alas, he had classes. i'll go by myself then. :( hope i drown away all my sorrows. i dropped him a casual msg saying that i'm not sleeping so early cos i've got 2 tests tomorrow for which i haven't started studying. besides, the gastric pain that i'm having then was hurting me. [actually it still hurts lor!]

after he received that last msg, he immediately gave me a call and asked if i wanted supper. [awww so sweet! 1 brownie point!] so as usual, we put men to the test. i told him that i wanted beancurd from selegie and taiwan mee sua from geylang. then i blabbered my address for him. "you say so fast how am i gonna write down? what's it again?" he asked if there were nearer locations. hah. i was just joking nonetheless. [effort taken to remember my address. another brownie point.]

ok so what went on after those few lines were basically balderdash. yawn. my eyes are closing. i haven't bathed. and i need to study for the darned test. good nite peeps. i'll catch ya later when i've got more to report. :)

Wednesday, April 07, 2004


it was a funny day today. not bad, i still managed to laugh. having that new phone, i keep snapping pictures of everyone so that when they call me, their faces will appear. :P ching yu asked me to lend him my phone so that he could take a look. i did. and guess what? HE TOOK A PIC OF THE HOUGANG TSHIRT GUY! ugh.

me: i swear i'm gonna reformat my phone man.
wen rui: don't need, your phone don't have virus.
[i laugh.]
ching yu: hahaha he smiled at the camera while i took a pic of him!
me: uggghhhhhhh i'm gonna delete it.

it was totally disgusting. if you guys are clueless, there's this psychotic guy in my lecture group. he always sits alone at the front-most seat. everyone has seen him smiling at himself. he always asks wierd questions that make the teachers clueless. mind you, they aren't intelligent questions! and he always likes to wear this tattered and torn tshirt that says "hougang GRC" at the back, which explains the origin for his nickname. :) evil.

was supposed to go swimming. but when i called eddie, he said he has already swam finish cos he went down at 2.30pm! ugh i only finished at 5pm, so since i heard thunder sounds, i decided to make my way to the salon to get my hair cut instead. i called my stylist up and asked if he was free to give me a hair cut right now. he said ok, so i went down immediately.

the moment i sat down, he complimented that i've slimmed down. :) but i still think i'm fat no matter what you guys say! then he said "if you were older, maybe we could be together" haha. i laughed. it's a lovely relationship that i share with him, but friends are what me and my stylist will always be.

wanted to cut steps and a fringe. but he advised me against it, saying that my parting still needs to be taken away, and my sides are starting to curl out so i can't cut steps. :( my hair stylist never fails me, so i listen to him... blah, so i went back with a somewhat same hairstyle that i went in. maybe next time honey!

i hate it!

i don't like blogging anymore. it irks me. i hate being judged based on what my true feelings are. i don't lie on my blog. hmm. ok, maybe white lies. but that was in the past. i don't do it anymore. ok i'm feeling psyched.

blah. disregarding what i just typed, take this quiz about me here pretty please? :D

Monday, April 05, 2004

chocolate numbs sadness, and makes steph a happier person

got report. got project. got tests. all not yet done. so what exactly have i been doing today?

i saw my sister panting. she was breathless. and i almost got a shock of my life. no, she wasn't having sex with another person. she just came back from jogging and her lips were WHITE. even whiter than the whitening creams can take you to. me, being the nice and caring person to all whom i love[yes i'm extremely nice to those whom i love dearly. but if you make me angry, that's the end of the sweet and nice me.], made for her a glass of glucose water and demanded that she immediately drink it.

asked clarice to meet up for dinner with me. but i was supposed to go swimming with eddie remember? so i met eddie at 6pm and swam until 7pm. funny guy. STOP PULLING MY EARS!

i hate friendster. it's so sucky. whenever i want to see who this fella is, or his pics or his friends list, it tells me that this id doesn't exist. wtf?! anyway eddie somehow or another managed to find me thru friendster. like HOW i also don't know. stalking me already ah eddie? :P [he stalked me into the changing room just now, and now he's stalking me online too! just realised he's winnie's friend too.]

suddenly eddie became the evil swimming coach who forces you to train beyond your limits. whenever i stopped to catch a breather, he's like "eh why you stop? carry on or else how to lose weight??" then i'm like "ugh cannot make it already. very tiring..." we stopped swimming at 7.10pm, and went to the changing room to take a bath.

it was freaky in the female toilet. the toilet was so big, but i was the only one inside. the silence kind of freaks you out sometimes. :\ i bathed as fast as i could, dropped eddie at the mrt, then took out my phone to call clarice. SHIT. i had been playing with my mobile the whole day that i didn't realise that the battery was going flat!

after putting down the phone with her, i realised that i forgot to take mc for the test i skipped in the morning. argh. so i went straight to the doc's, and msged clarice on the way. the doc took a REALLY long time. took number. waited to see the doc. saw doc. waited for them to dispense medicine. it was all about waiting wasn't it? cheap lah. what to do? :|

after buying the phone on sunday, they gave me some vouchers that i could use to offset the bill at certain restaurants. so clarice and myself went to nydc at wheellock to have our dinsup(yeah dinner-supper).

under the starry down-lights, we shared baked rice and spaghetti together. we looked into each others' eyes and a dreamy feeling just came upon us as we were enjoying our mud pie and brownie. after all that exercise, i was actually gorging myself with food. why? cos that's what i always do when i'm sad. :( chocolate makes you happy remember? :)

i'm a fool for love

i was really angry at you, for treating me the way you unknowingly did. for your info, my ambition is not to be a tai tai(i wanna own my company someday, not sit at home play mahjong!). i can earn my own money, thank you. and of course i don't need you to support my lifestyle. after that talk we had just now, i heaved a sigh of relief. i finally understood what you meant.

it ended as fast as it started. a short lived one, but i'd just like to keep the memories of the high heaven you brought me to. it was wonderful and sweet, nothing like i've experienced before, although it only lasted for that few days and thereafter it got worse. maybe things are only good when i'm together with justin, but out having fun with you eh? ;)

don't think i can live with my betrayal of justin. don't think he'll ever forgive me if he found out. frankly speaking, i left him for you(remember you asked me to leave him lots of times? so i did leave him in the end!), and not for any other reasons that i thought upon. wierd isn't it - that i am willing to do such things just for that moment of bliss? but really, i was happy.

i didn't wanna lose you as my other half, but funny that you'd rather settle for friendship instead. looks like it was just a "yi xiang qing yuan" on my part. maybe you haven't had the chance to hear me say this before seriously, maybe it sounds a little foolish for me to say this, but i just wanna tell you that i love you. you know it too.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

am i but a novelty?

bought my panasonic x70 just now! whee. mummy paid for me half first, saying that i could pay her the remaining half some other time. :) it's now charging and i can't wait to use it!

i just found out something about myself - i don't like looking forward to things. everytime i look forward to something, and things don't turn out the way i expect it to be, i get disappointed. worse still, when i look at others(esp jean!), i feel even more miserable. thus, i choose now to live in the present, and not look forward to the future. 'nuff said. "i have more care to go than will to stay; come death and welcome! juliet wills it so"

having said that, i'm gonna contradict myself for a lil while here. :P as much as you guys think that i shouldn't be going on diets, blah blah. as i've already mentioned, i'm recalcitrant. i've set my mind on losing weight, and nothing's gonna stop me. the issue with me and my obsession with weight is because i feel there's a need for me to look good. no, i'm not doing this for anyone. all you dirty lonely old perverts, get outta my sight this very moment!

anyway, i'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's swimming. i've tried swimming with wendy, i've tried swimming alone. tomorrow i'm gonna swim with eddie. omg i hope he doesn't bring his "brothers" along. recollect back what happened on thursday... haha.

wait, why on earth am i blogging now?! i've got a project, a report, and homework!!! all not completed! i think i procrastinate too much.

time is of the essence!

i'm dead tired! i managed to sleep quite well(early actually) these days, despite my pms shit. funny that i didn't use to be this extreme last time. wonder what's wrong with me. blah, it's time for a change.

my personal hair stylist has changed salon once again, and i'm going to support him there by doing something to my hair. i'd love to do some radical changes, like bleaching some streaks(a la donnatella versace) and dyeing the rest of my head blue black; cut some wierd fringe and look all wierd going to school like that. but where's the moolah? haha, so it all ties down to the part where i'm just gonna cut my hair. :P

i got woken up at 7+ this morning. was supposed to meet my relatives at the columbarium to "sao mu", which means to sweep the tombs. [ya something like that lah!] you must be wondering why a catholic girl like me has to go and sweep tombs. well, as much as i hate all that smoke [it's so smelly there, that you can't breathe properly and you'll keep coughing], it is only right that i pay my respects to my dad's ancestors.

never mind the fact that i don't understand(i can't read chinese for nuts!) the inscriptions on the niche, or why we can't go on another day where there's less people(therefore less smoky), or wonder whether they'll actually receive all that stuff that go up in flames [what happens if someone else snatches it?!?]. well, my dad was a convert to the catholic belief, and truely, he has my respect. not forgetting his roots, i respect his parents' belief too(dunno izzit buddhism or taoism or what...), therefore i dragged myself up and went down with mummy and my 2nd sis.

we had vegetarian food for lunch. i don't eat vegetarian food actually, because i don't eat vegetables. but since my relatives were around, i had no choice but to force myself to eat. everything tasted like flour. :\ my grams(dad's side) asked if my uncle could borrow our car to fetch her to mandai to visit her parents' tombs. my mum agreed, so what could i say right? i wanted to go shopping! ergh.

asked my mum if she could pay for my new mobile first, then i'll pay her back by instalments. she didn't agree, neither did she disagree. but when i told her it was at hello! orchard, she was like "so far arh...". come on, we need to go marks and spencer too! 20% off storewide!!!

argh. i should stop blogging now. need to get changed to go shopping. have to arrive in church at 3.45pm for stations of the cross too. after that gonna come back home, and my aunt's gonna come over to discuss her business venture with us. my 2nd sis and i are her consultants! :D i've still got homework... LOADS OF EM! so many things, so little time... i'm leaving. ciao!

out of point note: i just weighed myself. i'm 45kg avec jeans. imagine my weight sans jeans? i'm happy! gonna continue on my diet and exercise regime until i'm 40kg!!!

Saturday, April 03, 2004

come what may!

i feel flattered. :) just now, i was walking quite fast on my way to church(i didn't drive) from the mrt station cos i was late. and suddenly, someone stopped me on my tracks.

location: toa payoh central after i walked past delifrance; time: 4-ish

cute foreigner(looked like he needed some help): "exzcuze me, arez yzou inz az hurry?"
me(assumed he was lost): "erm, what's the matter?"
cute foreigner: "i wouldz likez toz invitez yzou toz havez coffee with mez"
me(heh? i thot he was lost?!): "oh, err, i don't think so"
cute foreigner(disappointed): "oh butz whyz?"
me(takes a step ahead and smiles): "oh, cos i'm in hurry"
cute foreigner(tries to stop me from going off): "wellz, it'sz juszt for az little whilez"

me(a little shocked that he tried to stop me): "uh really, i don't think so"
cute foreigner(tries to look friendly): "butz iz thzink yzou arez veryz bzeautiful"
me(a little flattered now): "thank you for your compliment sir, but i'm afraid i can't have coffee with you"
cute foreigner(looks sad now): "alzrite thzen, youz havze az goodz day"
me: "you too. good bye!"
the cute foreigner says "goodz byze" and watches as i walk further away from him.

wonder what would happen if i really had coffee with him. would he think i was a hooker? would he be asking if i do one-night-stands? then again, could he be a famous french director who's in singapore to cast a female lead for his latest film? maybe his name is louis vuitton? haha. i'm dreaming. but he was cute alrite. haha...

which then again reminds me of another incident which i forgot to blog about the other day. i went swimming with wendy at the nyp pool on thursday. at the pool, there were a bunch of guys - out of the 8, i knew 1 of them. ok, to cut the long story short, i "sabo-ed" wendy by telling my friend that she was interested in the tallest guy. haha. evil rite? :P

but anyway there was this other guy called wee teck who kept asking for my number. duh. i don't give my numbers to strangers one lor. persistance got his way, so in the end he got my number from eddie(the one that i knew), and msged me yesterday. "hi, remember me? i'm wee teck from the pool.[wee teck from the pool?!? what a queer way of describing himself] can we be friends?" i wanted to reply him to tell him that he got the wrong number. haha. but no, i'm not that evil. just good enough not to reply, that's all. ;)

*snaps fingers* back to today now. i skipped choir practice after mass today cos i've got homework to do at home. angie and i were shocked that jac(my ex-best friend) came down church today(she lives in pasir ris). [who do you turn to when you're lost in love? - your friends of course.]

it's a funny thing, the 3 of us(we used to be very close until jac quarrelled with angie some time back) actually ended our relationships at the same time. [we all have joint accounts with our partners too] angie broke off with matt, then few days later i broke off with justin, then few days later james broke off with jac. i kinda hate it when jac goes through a break up. i dish out advice, but she doesn't wanna let reality sink in.

i still remember the last time she broke off with james, she actually scolded me in front of so many of our friends, saying that i don't wanna help her get her relationship back. i was so angry with her then, because i tried very hard to mediate, but in the end what i got was her yelling(she even threw a drink at me) and crying. with no thanks at all! from then on, i vowed never to try to be the middleman for a couple. it was a grave mistake.

jac, it's not that i wanna say you... but i think you should really reflect upon yourself. [i'm in the process of doing it now too, so yeah...] stop thinking that 'maybe' james made a rash decision, and that things can be better that fast. i tried to drop hints. i'm telling you, don't put your hopes too high. but if you wanna ignore my advice, the disappointment is greater, and you're gonna come crying back to me in the end. not that i hate to listen, but it's the same problem all over again isn't it? go with an open heart and mind tomorrow. it's better that way.

scooby dooby doo where are you?

omg i'm dead tired. swam like i-don't-know-how-many laps this morning at toa payoh swimming complex. [haha not bad right, i managed to wake up early to swim, although i think i got a tan...] i need a deep rub down(massage la, what are you thinking?) now. *hint hint* :D

mummy keeps pestering me to fetch my siblings to church at 2pm, but i'm supposed to meet clarice at 12.30pm. so after my refusal to budge, they've gotta walk there themselves. muahaha. yay i win!

ergh. i'm late. trotting off to my shopping extravaganza now. don't miss me honeys! ;)

Friday, April 02, 2004

white lace and promises

today arh. nothing much lor. woke up early cos i wanted to go swimming. then after looking at the bright sun, i changed my mind. i know i don't look good when i'm tanned, that's why i avoid the sun. :P maybe i'll go swimming tomorrow on my own. haven't been to toa payoh swimming complex since it renovated. wonder what has changed...

went to school late at 12.30. but then the lecturer forgot he got a lesson with us. DUH. [seriously, i can't stand him. none of us can. he's so disorganised! and "super kan cheong spider". no wonder he's still a part-time lecturer.] wonder why i've been so tired these days. i keep falling asleep in class! ergh. maybe i should make sleeping early and worrying less a new habit.

almost banged into a taxi today after school. phew. the taxi wanted to turn into my lane, but it didn't see me halfway already turning into that lane. duh. I HATE TAXI DRIVERS! luckily nothing happened, otherwise you won't be seeing me blog anymore.

hey, i just realised that dying a sudden death actually sounds lucrative. the thought of me passing away without a warning, actually can do the following:
- i won't be shopping anymore (cos i can't move my legs)
- i will stop thinking that i'm obeased (cos i'm brain dead)
- i won't surf porn (cos i can't see) [ok i'm juz joking abt this. do not take me for real]
- my mind will only be filled with thoughts of nice things (cos i won't hear anything bad)
- i won't be tempted to break that diet (cos i can't smell the aroma of food)
- i won't cry anymore (cos my tear glands have stopped working)

and yet despite all that, my heart continues to beat for you. wierd isn't it? this funny thing called love. you can't stop it. it just goes on forever.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

the ever vulnerable me

happy april fools day peeps(abbreviation for people)! who's the biggest fool on the earth? ME! yay. let's open champagne and celebrate!

let's not talk about yesterday. [cos all about it was the japan-singapore qualifiers. which i think japan played real badly because they were supposed to get more goals than the 2-1 score! DUH!]

let's talk about today. delon and i had a pact to wake each other up this morning. if i were to wake up earlier, then i would call him, and vice versa. i woke up, and the first thing i did was to call him. guess what? he said he bathed already and is changing now. ergh. very good. so i was late for school again.

had a 2 hr break, so delon and i made our way down to amk(ang mo kio) central to get my swimming goggles. damn expensive lor. $24.76. ergh, never mind, as long as it was PiNKkk and it was comfortable, i'm happy. :) we ate the big A.J. ice kachang too. nothing fantastic. just that it cost us $3 and it was a really huge serving. took an mms photo of it. but it's STUPID isn't it?

went swimming after lessons despite the dark clouds that were threatening to pour anytime. "eeks. why so many guys one?", shrieked myself. i swam and swam until all the feeling of sadness inside me seemed to flow out into the swimming pool. i kept pushing myself, even though i was clearly out of breath. i just wanted to swim until i forgot who i was, or what troubles that were plagueing me. alas, that did not help.

all the things you said

these days i've got no mood to do anything. mood swings. blah. ladies - isn't there this specific time of the month they call pms that you feel extra sensitive to whatever's around you? yup, that's what i'm feeling now. extra sensitive. watch your words people, i'll snap and i'll cry all at the same time. some things are just too overwhelming for me.

where's a friend when you need a shoulder to cry on? was supposed to meet andy yesterday, but his girlfriend didn't allow him to go out with me. was supposed to meet clarice today, but she cancelled it because her other friend suddenly said he could make it. wanted to go out with karen too, but she's as busy as a bee. xuelin isn't free until the end of her exams, so there's no need to call her to ask.

where have everyone gone? why am i suddenly all alone? i need someone now, but nobody wants to hear me out. STOP IT STEPH. you're going into yet another depression. you're gonna need the doc soon. stop torturing yourself. have a clear mind, be carefree. you're single now, remember? YES. nobody to care about me, nobody for me to care about. i'm the only person on earth. it's just me and my blog everyday right?

WAIT. there's jewel. jewel loves me alot, just as how i simply adore her. she's the best companion who gives me unconditional love, and all she asks is for a roof over her head, and some TLC(tender loving care). oh jewel, you're the best to me - more than any other man or friend compared. i love you jewel. don't ever leave me alright?