Thursday, August 24, 2006

Picking Up

So glad that i managed to solve a small part of my project problem yesterday. Satisfaction!

While reading through other people's blogs, many things run through my mind. Yet, queer, when i open and create a blog post, i'm stuck with a writer's block. Maybe it's my age that's been catching up with me.

On my off days, i either stay at home and bum or i go out and window-shop in town. While window-shopping these days, i feel so out of place. Something that i never felt until recently. Shopping, window or not, has been my second nature.

And recently it's been hitting me really bad - the feeling that i'm already coming XX(age), and at this age i've not yet established a stable career and i'm still living from paycheck to paycheck. Oh, and that's my attachment paycheck that i'm talking about.

It's a useless feeling that i can only blame myself for. My result of my lack of determination and laziness is showing, and it's hitting me real bad.

I didn't do that well in PSLE, so i was forced to go to the Normal Academic stream - 6 more points and i'd be able to go to Express! I went to TP after O' Levels because i couldn't get into the course i wanted in NYP, then dropped out at the end of the 2nd year. I worked for a full year, then decided to go back to studying. I enrolled in NYP, but the course wasn't what i quite expected it to be. I failed 2 modules in the 2nd year and i had to retain a semester. So here i am now, 3 days away from my last day of attachment.

It's been a longgg journey for me, but it moulded me into who i am today. I'm still quite the procrastinator i was before, leaving things to do until the last minute. But i've learnt some lessons that some people in life have never gone through. Imagine people despising you because of your age and your qualifications. That sucked big time.

But it's about standing tall and strong, and not falling when people smirk at you or mock you behind your back. It's my achievement to be able to pick myself up and not let myself fall further behind. And nothing that anybody can do or say is gonna change that.


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