am i but a novelty?

bought my panasonic x70 just now! whee. mummy paid for me half first, saying that i could pay her the remaining half some other time. :) it's now charging and i can't wait to use it!

i just found out something about myself - i don't like looking forward to things. everytime i look forward to something, and things don't turn out the way i expect it to be, i get disappointed. worse still, when i look at others(esp jean!), i feel even more miserable. thus, i choose now to live in the present, and not look forward to the future. 'nuff said. "i have more care to go than will to stay; come death and welcome! juliet wills it so"

having said that, i'm gonna contradict myself for a lil while here. :P as much as you guys think that i shouldn't be going on diets, blah blah. as i've already mentioned, i'm recalcitrant. i've set my mind on losing weight, and nothing's gonna stop me. the issue with me and my obsession with weight is because i feel there's a need for me to look good. no, i'm not doing this for anyone. all you dirty lonely old perverts, get outta my sight this very moment!

anyway, i'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's swimming. i've tried swimming with wendy, i've tried swimming alone. tomorrow i'm gonna swim with eddie. omg i hope he doesn't bring his "brothers" along. recollect back what happened on thursday... haha.

wait, why on earth am i blogging now?! i've got a project, a report, and homework!!! all not completed! i think i procrastinate too much.