the princess and her prince

i've been using too many vulgarities these days.

fuck. knn. ccb. nnb. and the list goes on...

i should stop using these words, and be the gentle and dainty girl that everyone else outside portrays me to be.

i could act all shu-nu like, so that more good guys would fall for me. while i'm at it, i should also attempt to look damsel-in-distress like to catch a MCP (male chauvinistic pig)'s attention, so that he can be my knight-in-shining-armour hero who would rescue me from the clutches of evil. after that absolutely scary episode, i would have to be feeling very distressed. because my parents would be so afraid that anything would go wrong again, they have decided to lock me in the north-wing chamber until someone shouts under my tower "stephanie, stephanie, please let down your hair".

my hero would then dress up in an all white hugo boss tuxedo-bowtie-shirt-pants suit, then knock on the big wooden doors of my castle to ask the king and queen (my parents) for my hand in marriage. he would bring gold, silver and myrrh with him as the first-time-meeting presents for my other siblings. for my parents, he gives the mercedes SLK 230 kompressor to my mum so that she can go figure how the car (which obviously has a roof) converts into a roofless one. for my dad, knowing that he likes a car that gives him speed and status, opts to present him with a mercedes s600 bi-turbo instead. horses are so passe, you know.

oh wait. then WHAT ABOUT ME? hmm. the king and queen then gives the prince their blessings to go ahead.

in my tower, i hear a man shouting from below. i peep out of my window and look downwards. "stephanie, stephanie, please let down your hair" shouts mr suave. "but my hair's too short, i just got it cut and coloured by supercuts, remember? why don't you take the lift up instead?" i reply. so he did just that.

in the lift, there were a hundred buttons, each labeled from one to hundred. the silly prince, he didn't ask me which floor i was staying at! duh. so he decides to be clever and presses the highest floor, then working downwards from there.

100. not there.
99. not there.
98. not there.
82. still not there.
23. why still not there.
11. omg, are we there yet?
3. not there? ...

"this must be it, it must be the second floor" he told himself. he went back into the lift on the third floor, to take the lift down one level. he heaves a sigh of relief as he stood outside the chamber door. he knocks thrice on the door. someone opens the door, then says "oh, thank you for saving me, but the princess is in another tower. you have to take the other lift from the ground floor sir" the prince almost fainted. but he manages to compose himself to take the lift to the other tower.

in the lift, there were a hundred buttons, each labeled from one to hundred. the silly prince, he didn't ask the other princess, again, which floor i was staying at! duh. so he decides to be "clever" again and presses the highest floor, then working downwards from there.

100. not there.
99. not there.
95. not there.
76. still not there.
33. why still not there.
9. omg, are we there yet?
3. not there? ...

"alright, this must be it. i never learn my lesson, do i?" the prince grumbles. he walks into the lift once again, presses the button to the second floor, then the lift door closes. suddenly all around him was pitch darkness. ALAMAK. just as sudden as it became pitch dark, lights came back on again, with two other people in the same lift as him.

they stare at him, then whip out their swiss army knives, then say, "pass me all that you've got." the prince was stunned, but he proceeded to say "NO! you will not take anything away from me. what i have now, is my betrothal gift to princess stephanie. please do not take it away from me. i'll give you anything else, anything!" the two theives look at each other, as if they were discussing with their eyes, then said "we wanna screw your ass." the prince unwillingly obliges, and strips down his hugo boss pants. "ahh. ahhhh. ooo. yesss. yesssss."

after they were over and done with it, the lift door opened. he knocks on the door with his ass still hurting. the moment the door opens, he drops down on one knee, hands the bouquet of flowers to me and says "through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, i have fought my way through the castle to meet you, my princess. will you marry me?" i was dumbfounded. the prince reaches his hand into his pocket, and takes out a seemingly familiar blue coloured box.

i stare at the box with dreamy eyes as he opens the box to present it to me. the glistening diamond sparkles at me. "it's a 10 carat lucida diamond ring from tiffany & co!" i exclaim with delight. "oh, thank you prince... what's your name again?" i ask. "the name's charming, my lady, prince charming" he replies. so princess stephanie marries prince charming and they live happily ever after, thus saving the day. yay.

NOT. *snaps fingers* hello. wake up your fucking idea stephanie goh.

you are NOT a princess, and you do NOT live in a big big castle, built over a land area of 32-hectares, neither is there a north, south, east, west or main wing to your house. there is NO prince charming in a hugo boss suit, nor is there going to be such sweet endings since there is NO prince to rescue you.

you have to slog your way through life by means of your own intelligence and will. you are not going to be a tai-tai, neither is there going to be anyone who would give you a tiffany & co lucida ring for proposal's sake. oh, and you're late again after typing this super bor liao blog post.

have to go school now. :( ciao! hope you guys enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed typing. hee hee. :) [hope i don't swear as much as i have been doing. haha!]