the cycle

you know, sometimes it's so tough being me.

yeah, i'm serious! having to live up to expectations just isn't my speciality. i'm just not the person everyone wants me to be. i'm pressurised. =(

you know, sometimes we always complain about the lack of love in our lives.

i do too. i whine to my gfs day-in day-out. (they automatically turn off the input signal when i start mentioning about it. lol)

now this is what happens (it's a cycle by the way):

1. i complain about not having enough love in my life.
2. so i go out and find it.
3. after finding for some time, i manage to find THE one whom i think is right for me.
4. period of confusion. i think about whether he likes me or not, whether he has a gf/fiancee/wife outside, and how everyone is gonna react to that, etc. basically just things that aren't worth worrying over. hah!
5. 50% of the time, they don't like me, so jump to step 9. otherwise, go to the next step.
6. now courtship begins.
7. then it gets stagnant and i start to complain about why the person is being as clingy as cling wrap.
8. i attempt to distant myself from that person gradually, and say "hey, i've had enough of men! - the ones who are TOO NICE to hurt, and those who are TOO BASTARDic for me."
9. period of despair and loss (and remorse in certain cases).
10. i start questioning myself why. *sigh* revert to step 1.

so where am i now?

step 8 i guess.