i speak my heart, but i'm afraid of he who hears of it

i feel constrainted. claustrophobic. afraid. unsure. this relationship of mine has suddenly turned monotonous, unlively, and even a drag. as much as i have yearned for such a peaceful love life, it just isn't the same as what i felt almost a year ago.

he gives me lots of freedom, but at the end of the day, i'm supposed to report to him whatever that has happened. it's the same routine every day. if his dad doesn't buy food for him, then we'll go out and have dinner together. sometimes i meet my friends, and he stays at home and keeps msging me, asking me when will i be back home.

don't know if you all feel the same way, but i dislike people interrupting me when i'm having a good time. be it shopping, out with my friends, or anything else. it's annoying when you're out with a person, and that person's fingers are constantly glued to his/her mobile phone. it's one aspect which i cannot tolerate from my friends, therefore i'm sure they expect the same for me too.

but he doesn't give a damn. how long does it take to sms anyway right? VERY long - my hp's keypad is a little spoilt so i have to press really hard on each button. he always asks only one question per sms. imagine the number of times i have to reply! so i always have to pre-empt his questions, and give all details up front. if i decide to ignore it and reply later, he'll keep asking me why do i take such a long time to reply. at the end of the msg, it's always a "dear do you still love me?" from him.

i cannot take it anymore. this is not me. this is not the life that i want to live for the next 10, 20 or 30 years. if you can't accept me for who i am, then aren't we both better off single?

i love you. but i want you to accept me for who i am, not who you want me to be. can you fathom that? maybe i complain too much. i actually think that i'm a really bad girlfriend to anyone. but i'm a sagittarian, my dear. i cannot be tied down. what i need is freedom and lots of it.