where is solace to be found?

like an irritating buzzing sound about my ears,
so haunts my worries;
i fret and sigh, yet nobody can aid me;
they all ask why,
but all i can do is to shrug,
for they don't know me at all.

shall i then, accredit it all to pre-destiny;
maybe more so, to fate;
alas, or perhaps, choice?

winds change, and seasons pass;
i've been in this many a time,
and all's well doesn't end well;
it will come once again,
i foresee it so.

ignorance is bliss, they say;
but how long can i stay this way,
admidst a fight of my emotions;
should i follow the brain or otherwise?

i go round in search for an answer,
yet none is found;
only in you can i find comfort, Lord;
my God to whom i run to,
i thus beg you take me to a faraway land.

five paragraphs later, i have resolved;
running away may seem the best solution,
yet it is anything but;
i stopped to think,
"is this about myself or the rest of the world?"

the last thing that i would want,
is to see the past repeat itself;
so i'll just do what i deem fit,
in hope of a salvation;
for rationale has taken over the pawn,
thus i resign to my cursed love life.

time...

had a wonderful past 4 days of my life drinking everyday without fail.

time to abstain from drinking for a week! or perhaps even longer! hahaha. =P

did lift a load off my shoulders though. had a great time laughing my pants off! ;)

*~*

oh, did i mention i bought a new pair of levi's? heehee. wanted the diamonte one, but it was above budget. =( got the one without the diamontes instead. =)

makes my legs look slimmer + my butt look perkier! woohooooo!

bah!

i'm too stupid for my own good.

period.

*~*

stupidity is a sin. i should stop sinning and that goes the same for you all.

there are so many things that i want to say, but i just can't. i shall just blog at my other account.

it's better.

4 males & 2 females - what could possibly happen?

a mass orgy perhaps?

haha.

nooooo.

no mass orgies.
no sex in vip rooms.
no sadomasochistic play-arounds.

nooooo. what happened was....

i kissed 4 males and 1 female.

what would i be, if i didn't have you, jewel?

jewel's sick today. was having poor appetite, vomitting, and had blood in her stools. sigh. damn worried for her.

anyway. they've got stupid vets at mount pleasant animal hospital. don't ever bring your babies there.

went there at 8.30am hoping to see the vet as early as possible, since, afterall it's a 24hrs hospital. arriving there, i was greeted with a sign at the door which wrote this:

With effect from September 2004, we will not be open 24hrs due to the lack of staff. For house-calls, our charges are $250.....

-__-" they ARE supposed to be a hospital, but yet they are not open 24hrs?!

WTF?!

so anyway the receptionist told me that i had to wait until 9.30am for my turn. DOH. so i told my mum (who by the way, took a half day leave just to bring my dog to the veterinarian) that we might as well go back to our usual vet at telok kurau.

stubborn woman. she refused. -__-"

what can i say, since she's my mummy afterall.

while waiting, an elderly lady came into the hospital with her husband. she came in, and walked a big round as she smiled at all the pets (cats, birds, fishes, and dogs).

for a moment, my mum actually thought she got the wrong clinic - my mum thought she wanted to bring her husband to see the doc. hah!

ANYWAY.

out of nowhere, the clinic assistant popped out, and handed her an urn.

my heart almost dropped to the ground. my goodness... after chatting with her (she came over to pat jewel on her head), i felt kinda sorry for her.

having a dog is like having a child. and losing it, means that all the unconditional love that your dog has given you, has now vanished into thin air. so much like how we take things for granted, and suddenly, they are taken away from us.

i'm sorry to hear of your loss, auntie. =(

glancing around the hospital, i see a big dog in front of me (don't know what's the name of the breed, but it looks like the beethovan dog). anyway, the dog's eyes were red and watery, his lips were drooping, and the most scary sight was that you could actually see his bones protruding out of his fore legs.

sitting there, i could sense that he had already gotten used to the pain. the look of tiredness in his face showed me that he was not a young pup anymore. he's been through life, and have probably lived it fulfilingly.

oh doggy, i feel for you. i hope you get well soon...

so anyway it was our turn to see the vet, and in we went with jewel, but out we came without her. they had to run blood and rectal tests on her to find out what's wrong.

jewel came out shortly, but we had to wait a long time for the test results. zzzzz. test results out - all's well. -__-"

so what exactly is the problem with my dog?!

doh. the vet doesn't exactly know, and says "it's probably some gastric infection in the large intestines." ar huh. and she couldn't give me a definite answer.

went out of the room, nonetheless. waited and waited. finally, at 11.30am (gosh, we stayed in the hospital for 3hrs?!) and $138.41 poorer, mummy, jewel and myself left the whitley road hospital.

*~*

gotta keep my poor darling company right now. talk to you guys another day. i've got some things to blog, which i'm unhappy about. but i shall leave it for tomorrow or something.

ooo. did i forget to mention that jewel's got her grooming appointment tomorrow? heehee. =) cherrios!

peter, i want to fly...

http://www.genting.com.my/en/live_ent/2004/peterpan/index.htm

anyone anyone??? i got discount for tix! hahahaha.

die... haven't finished exams and now already in the holiday mood! lol...


call/msg/whatever me!!! hahaha... i'm a sucker for musicals!!! :P

whatlah whatlah?!?

aiyah. damn fed up with myself. why can't i get things right?!

does everything have to be wrong for me all the time?

-__-" me lah. it's just me.

*~*

ignoring my distress... anyone in the mood for some arty farty?

Hubbies4Hire, 21st - 31st Oct:
http://www.ticketcharge.com.sg/html/detpg.asp?eid=115

call/msg/email/pm/whatever me if you wanna watch. i'm looking for kakis. my gfs are boring people who don't support the local arts scene. so yeah... it's just me and me and me...

die. suddenly i feel that i'm all alone. =(

*~*

oh yah. did i mention that i didn't play mahjong just now? played blackjack instead! hahaha.

and i lost $2.

should i be happy or sad? my dearies, i'm discombobulated. i really am. =/ SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM THIS SELF INFLICTED MISERY!!!

silly me

after bak kut teh on wednesday, i was down with a sore throat.

to make matters worse, i went drinking on friday, which cost me a dry cough.

last night's wine aggrevated the situation, and i've got the snuffles now.

all thanks to myself. -__-"

HAVE TO DRINK MORE WATER!!!

*~*

anyway, it's time to stop procrastinating and quit fooling around. need to get some work done before mahjong later with my aunts.

hmm. should i say i hope i don't win?

shall just let fate decide lah. ;)

pls thank my tolerance level

nothing much to blog about today lah.

woke up at about 10 plus despite drinking the night before. think i did drink quite a fair bit within a short period of time. but managed to drag myself to the toilet to puke the whole lot out. felt so much better and sober too. =) and you all thought i could hold my liquor that well? fooled ya all! =P

*~*

lazed around at home. didn't touch any school work today for once. hah. -__-"

*~*

got my hair trimmed. was initially thinking of perming/highlighting/doing some hair extensions to it. my appt was at 4pm. i reached there on time, then waited like 60 donkey minutes before my hair got cut.

eh. did i mention to you guys before that my stylist works in the salon owned by the tcs actresses yang lina and yang libing (aka li nanxing's wife)? ok, so i'm telling you all now. despite her age, yang libing looks damn pretty in person!!

anyway.

i was about to be late for mass, so i could only get a trim done on my locks. probably get a perm or a highlight next month lah.

*~*

troublesome woman.

my mum insisted that we go to the church in katong area since we were to have dinner with my uncles and aunties at the east coast park hawker centre after that. with less than 10 minutes to mass time, i drove a lil faster than usual. did my usual dropping of gears to accelerate faster, blah blah. and my mum and dad were screaming at me in the car because they thought i was too "scary" a driver. -__-"

they haven't seen the worst. hahaha. =P

troublesome woman at work again.

i wanted to go to the church at chapel road because it was newer. hahaha. but my mum insisted that we go to the one at sandy lane because there were less people there and therefore there was more parking space.

-__-" whatever.

so i drove to the one at sandy lane lor. no choice... =( no cute guys at church today again. all old people. think 50s. better for me lah. at least i could concentrate on mass. hahaha. =P

*~*

went to ecp hawker centre to eat after that. nothing much about there.

*~*

was supposed to meet clarice and xuelin at 10pm at esplanade. but i arrived at harry's at 9.50pm.

so proud of myself. i was early for once! YAY!!!!!

i watched the bushmen sing+play at the outdoor amphitheatre. they were good! you guys should go listen to them. they'll still be playing later. =)

after they finished playing, i was still stranded there. i waited until i couldn't take it, then decided to take a seat in the bar of harry's while waiting for them.

after ordering the house chilean carbernet sauvingon, i realised i should have ordered the lychee martini instead because my throat wasn't doing me too well. sigh... but anyway the wine was so-so lah. can't beat the spanish one we drank at esmirada's or the chilean ones we drank at indochine. =P

okok. i know, i know... cost plays a part too. hahaha. =P

ANYWAY.

i waited and waited. msged people. played with my mobile. and clarice arrived at 11pm. while the winner (who by the way is constantly finding for carrot heads) arrived at 11.30pm.

good job ladies. keep it up, will ya? -__-"

*~*

i'm tired. gonna get some rest now. shall blog again tomorrow if there are any eventful happenings. =) luv ya all.

the sign?

lost money in mahjong last night. $27 ah!!! =(

could it be...??? *GASP*

the cycle

you know, sometimes it's so tough being me.

yeah, i'm serious! having to live up to expectations just isn't my speciality. i'm just not the person everyone wants me to be. i'm pressurised. =(

you know, sometimes we always complain about the lack of love in our lives.

i do too. i whine to my gfs day-in day-out. (they automatically turn off the input signal when i start mentioning about it. lol)

now this is what happens (it's a cycle by the way):

1. i complain about not having enough love in my life.
2. so i go out and find it.
3. after finding for some time, i manage to find THE one whom i think is right for me.
4. period of confusion. i think about whether he likes me or not, whether he has a gf/fiancee/wife outside, and how everyone is gonna react to that, etc. basically just things that aren't worth worrying over. hah!
5. 50% of the time, they don't like me, so jump to step 9. otherwise, go to the next step.
6. now courtship begins.
7. then it gets stagnant and i start to complain about why the person is being as clingy as cling wrap.
8. i attempt to distant myself from that person gradually, and say "hey, i've had enough of men! - the ones who are TOO NICE to hurt, and those who are TOO BASTARDic for me."
9. period of despair and loss (and remorse in certain cases).
10. i start questioning myself why. *sigh* revert to step 1.

so where am i now?

step 8 i guess.

who's your mummy!!!

watched movie with the uncles last night. hahaha. damn funny.

we watched "sex is zero", which as the name suggests, is an R(A) show and such lame-name titles can only come from korean people. -__-" (disclaimer: i am not against koreans, but they're always crying, which kind of annoys me sometimes, since i was supposed to be watching an erotic comedy.)

anyway.

this was the second R(A) show that i have watched in a cinema since "untold scandal" (DOH i am not a horny bitch okay, and yes i HAVE watched porn before. shhh. =P), which incidently happens to be a korean flick too. [untold scandal wasn't too bad either. =)]

i like watching funny R(A) shows - scary movie, american pie, blah blah. and of course, in every R(A) movie, there is always the usual flashing of breasts.

which brings us to the topic - the big hoo-haa about breasts.

*~*

what is it with men and breasts?

now let's create four imaginary characters (sorted by descending boob order):

1. jeanieboobalot, 22, female, above average built, 36C
2. meboobsoso, 21, female, average built, 34B
3. karenboobless, 22, female, slim built, 32A
4. ivangotnoboobs, 21, male, average built, 30AA

(p/s: it's not a personal attack, i'm just joking kay, my dearies!!! =P)

SCENE: meboobsoso and ivangotnoboobs are at a cafe chatting, while waiting for the other two to arrive.

ivangotnoboobs: [strains his eyes because he's not wearing contacts] wah, look at that girl that's walking in our direction. chio bu, chio bu! [was about to drool until he looked down at what she was wearing] OMG. she's wearing this top with a plunging neckline, and she has nothing to show. turns me off man.

meboobsoso: where's your chiobu with the plunging neckline? [looks in the direction that ivangotnoboobs is looking] eh, look, karenboobless is here! [frantically waves at karenboobless]

ivangotnoboobs: [gasps] THAT is karen? erm. she's the airport runway i was telling you about.

meboobsoso: huh?! don't tell h... [got cut off by the arrival of karenboobless]

karenboobless: hey guys! how do you like my top? [spins one round to show meboobsoso and ivangotnoboobs] flattering isn't it?

ivangotnoboobs: er... [clears throat] no, actually it shows that you've got small breasts. [scans around the surroundings for a good example] look at that girl [points to a girl, who also happened to be walking in the direction of them] THAT is what i call voluptous! YEAHHH BABEHHH!

karenboobless: eh. isn't that jeanieboobalot you're talking about here?

meboobsoso: oh no... [slaps forehead]

jeanieboobalot: [walks towards the group but it's as if she's bouncing because thats what the boobs are doing] hey guys!

meboobsoso: hey! [proceeds to introduce them both] ivangotnoboobs this is my ex classmate, jeanieboobalot. jeanieboobalot this is my friend, ivangotnoboobs.

ivangotnoboobs: [eyes fixated on jeanieboobalot's boobs] hi jeanieboobalot. [still staring] you have a pair of big round and juicy watermelons... and it's bigger than that of karenboobless. [snaps out & clears throat] eh. no... i mean... do you want a big cup of watermelon juice?

karenboobless: [-__-"] i am leaving. hmpf.

jeanieboobalot: you perv! [slaps ivangotnoboobs] i'm leaving too!

meboobsoso: shallow men! [sighs, then leaves ivangotnoboobs sitting there by himself]

*~*

so you see, men can't think properly when they've got boobs in front of them. utterly pathetic!

no.1 fan

ivan is behaving very wierd these days.

suddenly he is treating me so nice.

IVAN!!! what has got into you?

hmm. must be rejection from belle then come back to me right?

or worse, trying to get closer to belle that's why come back to me.

don't forgot that i'm the same "pattern" as you.

HAHAHA. so evil. =P

The One?

just came back from the wedding dinner.

bad news:
oh man... no cute guys today! sigh... =(

good news:
food was so-so, but i had fun. =) we had 4 tables specially for the starhub staff. heehee.

someone (don't know who is he, but he's a current starhub staff) actually drank so much before the dinner commenced that he got K.O-ed before eating the cold dish. haha. he woke up only to toast to the newly weds. damn farnnie siah!!!

*~*

hmm forgot to type something in the previous post, so i'm gonna type it now...

someone told me that i was the hardest-to-get-attached female in MCS (mazda club singapore).

how true do you all think that is?

well let's recall... it was july that i was with turtle... and that makes me FUCKING SINGLE FOR 3 MONTHS! *gasp* hmm. it does seem like a long time. haha.

but then again, i've been fooling around ever since the break off with WL. hmm. not such a good adjective to use, but that's what they call players, don't they?

so, yes, i admit. i'm a player. [at this point in time, xuelin would probably go "DOH! *slaps her forehead* which player goes around admitting that they are a player?"] but that's only because i am constantly in search of someone who would complement (not compliment hor...) me.

*sigh*

i long to settle down; i am in terrible need of company; i really need lots of TLC. but i just haven't found the right one yet.

ARE YOU THE ONE?

email me. hahaha.

totally doh!

met up with jon for lunch at eunos. in the car, he was asking what happened between me and you-know-who (in other words, he was kaypo). so i told him my side of the story.

i only have this to say - i can't help it if he doesn't want to talk to me.

*~*

went down bluwel. haha ahsoon is one funny man. he was like shaking his ass in the office, trying to immitate someone. guys, remember not to go clubbing with him, otherwise he'll poke fun at you too. lol.

anyway he was saying that my car's rear bumper has to be changed. sigh... =(

but anyway i'm back home now and my dad INSISTS that the bumper can be hit back. -__-" doh. how DOH can people get. it's plastic(or acrylic or whatever material that seems like plastic). how you gonna hit the bloody thing back?!

anyway this wierd workshop at yishun says it can be done. and since daddy's paying for mummy's accident, then i have got no say in it.

female drivers are stupid.

male drivers are cocky.

and me?

haha i'm just a safe driver. =)

*~*

gotta run. got sok peng's wedding to attend. i'm gonna have fun!

i'm waiting for you...

i love animals (those who are in my msn would know who i'm talking about! haha)

*~*

i'm fuckin stressed. exams in 3 weeks. projects. reports. all uncompleted. *sigh*

but i've got no motivation. feeling too sad/moody/confused/lost to do anything. i have many friends, but close friends are only a few.

they're busy most of the time anyway. =(

*~*

i feel so empty.

precious things all gone

this is my avenue to vent my frustrations and cry out my sorrows. if you don't like what you read, or worse *gasp* think that i am writing about you...

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT. screw you and i demand that you leave my blog this instant.

fed up with my sis cos while reversing into a lot, she scratched the left side of the car. to make things worse, only a few hours after, my mum drove the car out and created a FUCKING BIG dent in the back bumper.

what is with women drivers?! these people are a total disgrace to society!

*~*

so i did something that i shouldn't have done last night. never mind about that because it has already passed and i'm not really bothered about it. (unless the name of the person in question is turtle, which in this case, is not.) only worried that sooner or later i may find girlfriends coming after me with parangs.

HAH! -__-"

*~*

what i am truly bothered about? lonelinophobia. (ok i just made that word up! haha. but what i'm trying to say is that i fear loneliness) that's what's been on my mind.

anyone care to keep me company? i need rest. i think too much.

love you jewel. =)

breaking conventions

did something terribly wrong. =( sorry.

world's greatest dad

i have the most wonderful dad in the world!!! =D

i love SK-II products. so anyway, i have been contemplating whether i should buy the facial treatment essence [SHEN(2) QI(2) SHUI(3)!] or not, since the price is very steep.

no wait. it's FUCKING EXPENSIVE!!! but anyway... so i faithfully saved up my money to buy it. and since daddy was coming back today, i asked him to buy me a bottle from DFS instead, since it's supposed to be cheaper.

it costs 94 buckeroos outside for a 75ml bottle, and about 150 buckeroos for the 150ml one. so as usual, i asked daddy to buy the smaller bottle one. but in the end, daddy bought for me the 150ml one because they only carried the bigger bottle.

die. no money liao, still buy... SIGH~!

so i took out the last $100 from my wallet (i don't keep huge amounts with me when i'm out, so pls don't attempt to rob me!!!) and passed it to my dad saying "dad, i'll pay you the rest tomorrow."

then daddy said "never mind lah. keep the money for yourself."

WAHAHAHAHA. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

THANKS DAD, YOU'RE THE BEST!!! =)

i hate soppy korean dramas

does PMS happen very often to single females? i think it does.

lazy to blog about the past few days. boring life i have, anyway. whole week was just about doing community service. i'm a slave to it, but i love it. =)

i look at my poor hands and think HEY I FUCKING NEED A MANICURE. so after bathing, i'm gonna get one done. hahaha. french, no less!

gonna do ktv with my classmates later. am terribly late. wonder if they'll kill me if i say i wanna get my manicure done first before meeting them. LOL.

daddy's coming home today. =) happy cos i only get to see him once in two months. sigh... the house is a wreck without some law and order around. hope daddy puts some things into place when he's back (and doesn't faint at the charge card bill i've chalked up! HAHA).

okok, i'll be a responsible young lady and pay him back ok! -__-"

i plucked up my courage last night and SMSed the bmw320i guy. i asked him out for a movie tonight. [can you believe that? how can i ask a guy out for a movie?! am i mad or what?!?] he replied saying that he has a colleague's bbq tonight...

=(

BUT... it might end early and he'll msg me in the afternoon to confirm! =D

so anyway, i replied him saying that "it's ok if you're busy. can always meet another day." then he said "really, i don't know what time it's gonna end, but if it does end early, we could meet up."

*wide grin* HAHA.

but anyway, like what i've already mentioned (pls don't speculate that i am attached/have a bf/am engaged/am already married cos I AM FUCKING SINGLE, thank you.), i think it's just a normal buddy kind of thing that we have between us. nothing big a deal about that. i'm buddies to most guys. hahaha.

argh. am terribly late. it's 2pm and i was supposed to meet them at... 2pm in cineleisure. HAHAHA. tata peeps. cross your fingers for me, will ya?