ambivalence.

boy meets girl.
girl falls in love with boy.
boy and girl go together.
out of the blue, boy backs out.
girl realises that boy is ambivalent.
boy doesn't realise it himself.
girl is sad.
boy is ambivalent.
girl is disappointed.
boy is still ambivalent.
girl gives up.
boy is glad.

girl becomes ambivalent because of it.
now girl meets another boy.
boy falls in love with girl.
girl likes boy.
boy starts to get possessive even though they're not together.
girl backs off.
boy doesn't realise it's becoming a repulsion.
girl gets very ambivalent.
boy still thinks that there's hope.
girl cringes further away.
boy continues to try to control her.
girl realises that she's ambivalent.

she is now gonna seek help.
maybe the boy should seek help too.
while shopping yesterday, she saw this book.


The Commitment Cure

"the commitment cure - what to do when you fall for an ambivalent man".
it's $28.
expensive.
she's gonna go all around singapore to find that book from a second hand bookstore.
the search begins now.

just screw it.

fuck. you know what? i was searching my room for my piggy bank that had loads of one-dollar coins the other day before i left for bali, and strangely, i couldn't find it.

now that i'm back from bali, i see it at it's original position. hmm. something was wrong. i peeped inside the piggy bank. ALL MY FUCKING MONEY WAS GONE. well, at least 90% of it. there was at least $50 worth of one-dollar coins in that piggy bank. and now, it's only left with 8 coins or so.

I AM GONNA MURDER THE PERSON WHO STOLE MY ONE-DOLLAR COINS I SWEAR. i'm not gonna point any fingers at anyone. but one thing's for sure, i'm gonna get to the bottom of this, and recover my fucking money back.

WHY DO YOU STEAL FROM A POOR GIRL WHOS NOT RECEIVING ANY ALLOWANCE?

ladies and gentlemen, i'm back from bali!!! did you miss me?

guess what's this?

heehee. just a lil snapshot of what you'll be expecting in my next post. that's until i can finish editting all those pictures (contrast, colour balance, sharpness, etc.) and i'll be updating my last posts where i only have pictures and no words in them.

yeah, so that's the agenda. but for now, i've gotta rush and change so that i can meet james to go dbl o. yay. it's the start of my clubbing extravaganza! haha. see ya guys. don't miss me!

Chalet Pics

Hot Mama


Man Make Fire. Fire Burn. Ooooo.


The Community Service Club Team 2003/2004


Editted Andy's Complexion Using PhotoShop CS

oh aren't we lucky?

i LURVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the new blogger! :D

WHY?
1. it gave me a free gmail account (1 gigabyte of memory space to boot!)
2. it's easier to edit previous posts!
3. unlimited photo hosting!

what more can i ask for? :)

you guys would be seeing more pictures these days as soon as i upload them all alright? be patient! hehe.

knowing this just brightens up my day. because as of 8am this morning, i lost $5.30 in mahjong. ARGH.

~*~

oh ya, something wrong with the blogskin host, so my images aren't loading. will create my own SOON! :) in the meantime, just make do with this one okay? *muacks* love ya all.

what i really like!

Detour a lil while here cos I CAN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER. I MUST POST SOMETHING JUICY!

2.2.1.2 Me & my fetishes

The Physique - Skinny

The Skin - Tanned

The Height - 165 to 175cm

The Face - Boyish

The Smile - Straight white teeth with a cheeky smile

The Extras - Eternity for Men, Tattoos, Naughty-turned-Nice

KINKY!!! :D :D :D

pissed to the extent of beyond description

let's see what has happened during these days which i've been lazy to blog in reverse chronological order.

today

tried to strike a conversation with jac (my ex-best friend who attempted suicide) on icq.


The Bitch's Stinking Attitude

for the benefit of those who can't seem to see it (yes i resized it wrongly!), here's how the conversation went:

me: hey.. how are you doing?
bitch: ok lor.
me: today ascension. you going which church?
bitch: sorry i don't want to talk to you.
me: ok don't talk then.
bitch: i will never forget what you did to me in CGH. i think it's better if we just end our friendship here.
me: ok as you wish.

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK???????????!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!!

i am trying to control my anger. really, i am. God, forgive her for she does not know what she's doing! i feel better already. :) anyway, i conclude that she's mad. she'd better not make me go to the extent of having to call the police to tell them to reopen the case against her. how troublesome would that be for me! argh. but hey, it will all be in the good of all you innocent victims and silent sufferers. *~* PuRiNSeSu PiG *~* will save the world!

this girl really has issues.

ronald makes it magic!

before i type anything in the post, here's something to shock you guys with.

The Red Hair

yours truely.

whaddaya know?

Agenda for the next time i have time to sit down and slowly blog out what happened yesterday and today.

1 Yesterday

1.1 Out with James
1.1.1 Late
1.1.2 Talent scout
1.1.3 Lunch
1.1.4 Visited the agency's office
1.1.4.1 Sign board
1.1.4.2 Sleazy
1.1.4.3 Taz
1.1.4.4 Scam
1.1.5 Church
1.1.6 Crepes & Creme
1.1.7 Flying kiss mockery

1.2 Work
1.2.1 Fat
1.2.2 Anderson

1.3 Supper

2 Today

2.1 Out with Keng San
2.1.1 Japan GT tickets

2.2 Friendster
2.2.1 Ndroo
2.2.1.1 Cutie
2.2.1.2 Me & my fetishes

2.3 Mahjong
2.3.1 Win, Lose, or Draw

3 Tomorrow

3.1 Karen picking up clothes
3.2 Swimming with Jean
3.3 Hair
3.4 Work

Yah, see i've got so many stuff to post, but so little time! Actually i think there's more stuff, just that i can't seem to remember anything... Hmm... Tell me what you wanna read about ya!

absolute bliss.

what could be most wrong about yesterday? i woke up late, accidently poked my eye with the eyeshadow brush, got a red eye because of it, drove to orchard, parked in far east plaza, got lost at level 5 looking for the place, then arrived twenty glamourous minutes late at supercuts for audition. stood there, posed for pictures, then it was yet another day where i was gonna fail auditions again. shifted my car to the open aired car park, put a parking coupon, then went to do a little shopping before i was supposed to meet my club president, caiting.

didn't buy anything in the end, and as i was walking to my car, i met the dreaded PARKING ATTENDANT! gasp. i only put 1 coupon, which means that it was valid for thirty minutes. ahh. anyway i was only gone for like 40 minutes, so i didn't get a fine in the end. hehe. :)

aiyah a day in my life is so boring, i think i shall summarise it.

met cai ting at northpoint, who told me that she has confirmed me as the next president of the community service club. hehe.

i'm gonna have my own namecard!
I'm Gonna Have My Own Namecard!!
I'M GONNA HAVE MY OWN NAMECARD!!!

wahahaha. since you've put so much trust in me, i'll not let you down! :D *beams with pride* anyway she gave me lots of tips, and i'm sure i still have lots more to learn during these two weeks before the handover. suddenly, i'm under so much stress.

went to gram's place to pick up food for my siblings, went home, then waited around toa payoh for james to arrive so that we could go meet jaysen together. while waiting, i walked into the cheers store and bought strawberry smiles (strawberries with fresh cream in the middle) to try. WAH. they were GOOD. ok, maybe not the first taste, but when you eat it altogether, THEY WERE GOOD. freakin' expensive though. i paid $1.95 for 3 strawberries.

drove in circles in the suntec car park. "round and round the car park like a rally car, one lap, two laps, still can't find a lot!" ok, i'm bor liao, i admit. hah. but we were really touring the carpark for at least ten minutes. why can't people just give up their parking lots for me? *pouts*

so the latest people in the world arrived one hour late to meet jaysen. haha. poor guy, he ate pretzels while waiting for us. we had dinner at nydc. yum. don't you just love shrooms? [and weed, ice, coke, k, and marijuana? ok, bor liao again.]

during dinner i received an sms from my friend saying that i got through the audition today. WHEE. my face is gonna be in every supercuts outlet! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? let me repeat myself again, MY FACE IS GONNA BE IN EVERY SUPERCUTS OUTLET! wahahahaha. i love being pretty.

oh, my agency also has a job for me this monday at indochine waterfront. yay. i like having so many jobs which pay so much in such little hours. SO FUN! :D :D :D did i forget to mention that supercuts is gonna cut and colour my hair for me for free too? i'll take a picture of my before and after hair. as my gf put it "one thing's for sure, you're gonna look gorgeous in the shoot!" *grin*

if you are malay, and think that you'll be offended, please stop reading at this point, and jump to the next point please. thank you.

i sent james back to camp, since it was in the north area. when i changed lane at upper thomson road, there was this stupid malay woman in her tudung (i could see it clearly from my rear view mirror) who came so fast from the back as if she was driving a lamborghini, when she was only driving a black mitsubishi lancer. stupid b*tch. kept sounding the horn at me.

hello, it's not my fault that i also was in a hurry to send james back to camp, and that the car in front of me was driving at such a slow pace that i HAD TO change into your lane. duh. furthermore you were so far away when i changed lane. so since it's not my fault, and i'm the *~*PRiNCeSS*~*, i acted nonchalently and obliviously to her horns. haha. i win! yay. ;)

next point

came back home, and saw the mobile bill staring at me. argh. it's that time of the month again when my mum would nag at me non stop. $134.68. what's new? this is terribly bad news. i keep using my phone as though it is free. i must set a new resolution for myself to stop texting and calling people. ahh. that's it. i'm changing my plan to the premium 700 one. hey, under staff rate it's only $64.48 monthly. *evil grin*

i need a break

i sent a few of them back home just now from sentosa. they were staying near my place anyway. i dropped mr abracadebra, and there were still 2 more remaining.just as he wanted to get out of the front seat, turning to me, he kissed 2 of his fingers, then places those 2 fingers on my cheek.

AHHH... WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?!? first it was the hands, now the kisses! WHAT NEXT? i shudder to think.

anyway his friends saw it. anyone would have thought that i really belonged to him. it was as if he was marking a sign on me, so that everyone would not come near me.

F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK. someone tell me what to do.

there the friendship goes

[by the way, as i'm typing this post with two fingers, i'm happily enjoying a few shrek 2 version oreo cookies which have the same creme center, only that it's coloured green. YUMMY.]

i'm not gonna talk about what happened yesterday cos it's not worth wasting my breath on. today was kinda fun. went chalet with mr abracadebra. his friends were...funny! haha.

of being seen as an MCP

what i did not like about today, and about mr abracadebra's attitude for that matter, was that he was again his "ba(4) dao(4)" self. he always jokingly says things like "how many times have i told you that when i talk to you, you better look at me?" minus 1 point.

then he tries to play a fool in the water by trying to "drown" me, then if i don't return to the surface fast enough, he'll pull me up asking if i'm alright. minus 1 point.

he always does things like that, regrets it, then apologises. it just happens at least once EVERY single hour of EVERY single day.

HOW F*CK*NG ANNOYING CAN THAT GET?

of dying to impress

we played pool last night - xiang, mr abracadebra, and myself. xiang reigned, while i came in closely second, and mr abracadebra "buang-ed" miserably. in fact, for a few times, xiang purposely mis-cued so that you wouldn't look like you really got trashed. didn't really help to save your soul huh?

today we were playing games at the chalet, and you obviously could not drink anymore. why didn't you stop? it's all about self-control, and not about trying to act like you can protect me when you can't save your own ass.

IS IT JUST SOME EGO THING?

of intimacy

don't hold my hand. don't put your arm around my shoulder. don't rest your hand on my kneecap. you're leading people to think that we're a couple, when we're not. i'd like to find out more about you before i start a relationship. at least now i have seen some of your characteristics...

of the conclusion

i mean, GROW UP. you're already 22, and you don't know how to think, and STOP ACTING CHILDISH. you have done the broken the ultimatums. i cannot forsee myself living a life with you continuing like this in future. geez. my fondness for you is fading... no wonder i stereotype piscesians.

wierdos.

yesterday was a really sucky/funny/wierd day. i'm really lazy to write about all the happenings, but i'll try to summarise it, as usual. :D

went my gram's house, and got her to help me tighten my tube cos my tube was clearly loose due to the fact that my BREASTS were SHRINKING. anyway, thanks grams! luv ya loads!!! :D went supermarket shopping at giant at IMM with my parents after that. my mum is one hell of a procrastinating shopper. she stops at every isle to look at every single item. scrutinises it, then decides not to buy it in the end. DUH. no wonder my dad got pissed. hah.

rushed home to change so that i could meet clarice and xuelin after that. the photographer who took our photos was kind of cute [ignoring the fact that he was short]. *remember this sentence*

went to esmirada's at chijmes to eat after that. we had garlic bread, lamb shank, carbonara penne, chicken kebab, and 3 glasses of spanish red wine (i'll drink anything except australian and californian reds!). when the bill came, it was... *drum roll* $128.21. WAHAHAHA. $128.21. silence. $128.21. WAHAHAHA.

bye bye 'exams', hello 'everlasting quest for material goods'.

jobs jobs jobs. i NEED assignments. ahh. so many things to do, in so little time! i have to earn as much money as i can before (and not forgetting, after) i go bali! i still owe my mummy money for my x70, i still owe mr abracadebra money for the trip, i still owe myself a shopping spree! ahh, coach bag, dior bag, tiffany ring, gucci wallet, LV pouch... THE LIST JUST NEVER ENDS!!!

ok will blog more later. gotta go my gram's place to grab lunch and mend my clothes with the help of her old trusty sewing machine. :) luv ya guys loads! *muaccccckkkkssss!!!*

charmed.

oh man. hit me, just HIT ON me. haha. with a piano piece, that is. i was at my favourite blogger's site (shall not mention his/her site addy here in case all of you flock there instead! muahaha.), and guess what. [include gender of opposite sex here] composed a song for [include blogger's gender here] and played it on the piano!!! just HOW SWEET IS THAT? listen to it here, while i go back to studying...

i'm a sucker for guys who play the piano! siiigggggghhhhhhhh. *dreamy mode*

oh f*ck. i just realised that i don't have the slightest idea as to how to change the darned properties of the mp3. DUH. nevermind. i shall just leave it as it is, you guys will find out who's it for and from, sooner or later anyway. *pouts*

money drives the poor soul

another tiring day. but for the money, it's all worth it! :) WAIT FOR ME, BALI!

had exam this morning. ahh, sucky. then at 4.37pm, i received a call from sherry, asking me if i wanted to work at 6pm. haha. very good, last minute then tell me got job. i had to arrive at one fullerton by 5.30pm, so i rushed my way through. i even did my make up in the train. and boy was everyone giving me wierd looks. -_-

anyway, some eye candy for you guys, here's a sucky pic of me, and my colleagues. got more if you want. just ask!

today's blog is really all about websites, isn't it? hmm. here's something i found after typing my name in the yahoo search engine. (it's a very very very old pic!)

how now brown cow?

commitment-phobia. i don't wanna break mr abracadebra's heart, but i'm really scared of commiting to a relationship so fast. it's only been a month, and i've been enjoying myself so much that i don't wanna be attached anymore.

i enjoy the attention that i get. i'm happy that for once, i can tell people that i'm single, and ready for any blind dates you offer me! but, that's all gonna change when we talk about going into a relationship, isn't it?

his friends have been assuming that we're together, and he doesn't bother to deny it. he hasn't totally shrugged off the vivian girl, and she's yet again scaring people with suicides now. in fact, he just told me that he told his colleagues that "he's seeing someone else right now." DUH.

so what DOES it mean? whatever that means, i'm not getting committed. no way. at least not so soon. sharks. now i'll have to find a gentler way of telling that to him. geez.

DETOUR:
while i was checking up on phobias, make a guess - what is paraskavedekatriaphobia? NEVER THOUGHT SUCH A WORD EXISTED! check this website out.

VERY VERY VERY angry with myself

at long last, my part time modelling stint for the weekend was over. it was tiring, especially when others were loafing on the job. sucky, having to work so hard, while the others just sat there to look pretty. i was sure my efforts were paid off. ;)

there was this cutie. he walked past us like 3 times, and i kept giving him the flyers although he had already collected them before. [hey, i can't really remember faces ya!]

anyway, that cutie in a striped grey shirt and a funky brown haircut walked past me the 2nd time, and said "hey i think you're such a babe!" :D *smiles bashfully* :D it caught me unawares. i really didn't expect someone to say that to me. especially when i was wearing a modest outfit, and comparing myself to all the other models, i stood average.

the 3rd time he walked past me again (yeah he took the flyer for the 3rd time! haha.), he came back after a few moments to say "i really have to say this, but i think you're so pretty!" *smiles even wider* of course, at both times, i replied "thank you!"

it was close to 8pm, and we were due to get off work then. but mr cutie still hasn't walked past yet another time. darn. so i set myself out to find for him instead. haha. on the way from the toilet to our changing room, I SAW HIM. he was standing at the information counter! ARGH. yeah, and he just stood there. i wanted to smile, but he didn't look over. ARGH.

WHY DIDN'T HE LOOK OVER?!
WHY DIDN'T HE ASK FOR MY NUMBER?!?
WHY DIDN'T HE SAY HI?!?!

maybe he couldn't recognise me because i've already changed out of the silly work outfit. hmm. so i tried another time. we went back to the changing room, met sherry there, then i forced her to say that she wanted to go to the toilet. haha. so we carried our big bags to the toilet. GASP. mr cutie wasn't at the information counter anymore! PANIC. then i saw him walking out from the toilet. AHA! but because of the 2 photographers who were walking in front of him, that we said bye to, mr cutie didn't look up once again! ARGH. SO DUMB. ARGH. COULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF FOR IT.

WHY DIDN'T HE LOOK OVER AGAIN?!
WHY DIDN'T HE ASK FOR MY NUMBER?!?
WHY DIDN'T HE SAY HI?!?!

so yeah, i'm home now, and still complaining about that cutie. but anyway, i *think* he is around my height. he didn't seem taller cos i was wearing a pair of kitten heels. BUT STILL... WHY WHY WHY???...

oh yeah, i had 3 photographers taking my picture today at the same time. the rest of the models were green. definitely. could tell from their faces. but hey, i worked hard, and didn't skive on the job. and i had charisma, even though my job just consisted of giving out flyers and repeating the words "hi welcome to xbox live" the WHOLE DAY long. I RIGHTFULLY EARNED IT. thank you.

oh yeah, i saw the bastard of a guy who drives a black nissan fair lady today. and his girlfriend, si jia or what's her name. if you need to recollect, he was the one who asked if i did "flings or one-night-stands". yeah. bastard.

and i'm still angry over myself because of mr cutie! argh. definitely a singlehood hazzard.

p/s: if you know who mr cutie is, or you think you know someone who was at ngee ann city's xbox live launch today at around 7pm (he has to be wearing a grey striped shirt), drop me an email here or tag me on the tagboard on the right or call me. whatever. JUST FIND A WAY TO GET HOLD OF ME IF YOU KNOW HIM!!! thank you. ;)

now, back to studying for my exam at 8.30am tomorrow.

heehee i missed you guys!

yesterday was funny. haha. i was working at the xbox live launch, and i saw... the "eye for a guy" reject! HAHA. i told karen and we had a good laugh over it. remember the eugene guy who wore the rose shirt? haha. oh man i couldn't stop laughing when we saw him. he's as funny as william hung. :P

a nice xbox customer took a picture of me yesterday. (oh wait, lots of other hum sum people were taking our pictures too.) then just before we knocked off for work, he came to pass us the photos that he had developed! so sweet huh? my scanner isn't connected, so i can't show the pic to you guys. but, if you do drop by, my outfit is a white xbox tshirt that says "hot box ready to rock" and a black skirt. look out for me! ;)

ahh. supposed to be revising my work ah. lol. will chat with you guys on 7th!